At the door

Here's an old journal entry I find entertaining.

Many years ago I prayed my future wife would show up at my door. I think a guy name mark darling inspired that request. I remember when I used to believe these things would actually happen. But then I've had so many requests and desires. They disappear as new events come along that don't line up with those prayers. New events create new "destinies" in my head as I try to believe I know what's happening. I always end up being wrong.

Funny that I stumbled across that request in my journal today, because I want to talk about a girl, and it turns out she showed up at my door a couple weeks ago.

In the past I'd rationalize that she is the "one" and I'd proceed to get all flipped out. The flipping would occur as soon as things stopped going according to plan. This usually started a few minutes into the relationship.

Now that I spit in the face of destiny, I really don't care where she came from or what anything means. I'm just happy I met her and that somebody actually interests me.

Having talked to her for an entire 6 hours now, I'm amazed at my already skewed mental state. Emotions, it seems, are powerful animals. They practically force me to chase after her, convincing me all things otherwise are meaningless. They make my spirits soar, causing the simple things, like breathing, to be quite enjoyable. They also blind my judgement to a point where she could go on a shooting spree in a shopping mall and I would see it as a spiritual discipline of an upright and godly woman.

What is it about intimacy that would make a man trade the whole world to have it?

I guess it's all were supposed to have. That's why God asks us to trade the whole world for him. We are really good at looking in the wrong places with the wrong methods. But I guess we'd try anything to get it.

I'm almost willing to trade the whole world to see what happens.