preying on prayer
It's strange how prayer works. What the heck is God thinking? My mom asked me what she could pray for when I was home and I said some paying work in film. And all of a sudden I've had a great increase in success there. I'm grateful, but curious as to why.
Meanwhile, two huge, important things I have been praying for recently have gone unanswered. I was confident both would happen.
One was for a child that wasn't concieved and the other was for battle with cancer that wasn't won.
It's not so much unanswered prayer which confuses me. That comes to be expected by this point in life, and its easily defendable, because pain is conducive to growth. But why answer what He does? Maybe its just to keep me praying. Sometimes things happen.
I'm not going to complain. I don't have a right. How blessed do I need to be before a call myself such? Clearly, I'm far better off than most.
Besides, I seem to be mostly detached emotionally from the activities of this planet anymore. I observe things far more with curiousity than with anything else. I'm just wondering what's going on, and noticing its irregularity.
The emotional detachment certainly concerns me. (in a curious way of course) Am I too scarred to be be emotionally present anymore, or do I just have a different perspective on what's important, so some things that used to greatly affect me, hardly nudge me anymore?
Like everything else, it's probably a mix. And it probably has its advantages and disadvantages.
Regardless, I remain curious and I continue to pray.
Meanwhile, two huge, important things I have been praying for recently have gone unanswered. I was confident both would happen.
One was for a child that wasn't concieved and the other was for battle with cancer that wasn't won.
It's not so much unanswered prayer which confuses me. That comes to be expected by this point in life, and its easily defendable, because pain is conducive to growth. But why answer what He does? Maybe its just to keep me praying. Sometimes things happen.
I'm not going to complain. I don't have a right. How blessed do I need to be before a call myself such? Clearly, I'm far better off than most.
Besides, I seem to be mostly detached emotionally from the activities of this planet anymore. I observe things far more with curiousity than with anything else. I'm just wondering what's going on, and noticing its irregularity.
The emotional detachment certainly concerns me. (in a curious way of course) Am I too scarred to be be emotionally present anymore, or do I just have a different perspective on what's important, so some things that used to greatly affect me, hardly nudge me anymore?
Like everything else, it's probably a mix. And it probably has its advantages and disadvantages.
Regardless, I remain curious and I continue to pray.
posted by tim at 7:56 PM
2 Comments:
I have a hard time hanging on and praying, but I am holding on to hope. Thanks for continuing to pray for us! *hugs*
seeming to be an emotional person, i wish i could be detached sometimes. that's how it may seem, but i don't think i really am. cause detachment shouldn't feel this way
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