how to help
I've been wondering what I could do to make this world a better place, and I'm pretty much at a loss. Clearly, there are many forms of service I could partake in, but I don't believe in most of them. I see them as a waste of time, as if they only make me feel better about myself or the help I am providing is vain.
Perhaps I am a little cynical. Perhaps I've just spent my life living under a guise of service. It could be that I have always moved in the direction of easy, or worse yet, apparently difficult but useful in appearance only. People who know me would say I have attempted many difficult things, things that they would never do. But why have I done it? Am I just the guy who tries the difficult to get attention or acclaim? Others would say no, but only because I'm good at making it look like I truly care.
Deeper issues may prevail. And yes, I am fully aware that I have difficultly believing anything I do is of value. But maybe I am right about a lot of it. Of course, if I tell people that, they will say, "no, look at the impact you made on me. I was going through this or that, and you made me feel better." To that I say, what good is feeling better? How important are feelings? And have you ever noticed they don't last?
Now there are things I do think make the world a better place. Like freeing people from abuse or oppression. Or teaching others how to serve or sacrifice from their plenty to help others. Or creating a culture that loves first, takes the last seat, and lives for something other than gain.
Not being one who does any of those things very well, its a good bet that I haven't helped move others into that lifestyle. I would say the best I have done for others is help them with conflict resolution. I am good at teaching people how to approach others and get issues resolved without creating further tension or conflict. But this typically only works with peers who have similar life experiences. I cannot go into the ghetto and teach a gang member conflict resolution.
Teaching a gang member conflict resolution would make the world a better place. Or having a safe, alternative school for kids in the toughest neighborhoods. That is something I believe in, but I am afraid I would be of little help actually teaching or working there. My ability to interact and relate is poor. Maybe if I did it for a while, I would improve, but maybe I should just support those who are good at it.
I would love to do that. But I find myself in a constant struggle to provide for even myself. This due to my pursuit of a highly competitive career. A career that I would define as vain, but could lead to opportunities for me to make an impact in a manner that fits my personality and skills.
Future opportunity is what keeps me going, despite a now 6 year struggle to get going. It's a struggle that sees me trading all current service opportunities to pursue what currently only benefits me. I wonder how many years I can trade before I do something worthwhile. Will I ever get to that point?
Is there a way to have both? Not well I would say. There is a hierarchy of needs, and I have voluntarily placed myself at a low position. This scares me because I know most people enslave themselves at a low position and many stay there their entire lives. This hampers them greatly and forces them to look after themselves when a little more wisdom would have enabled them to look after others. I don't want to be that person.
I can say that I have learned much in 6 years in the real world and I have certainly stretched myself. What I haven't done is apply anything I have learned. Meanwhile, I have been corrupted by my environment, but through which have gained new perspectives and insight that should one day prove useful. I just wish that day would arrive sooner. 3 years ago would be nice.
Perhaps I am a little cynical. Perhaps I've just spent my life living under a guise of service. It could be that I have always moved in the direction of easy, or worse yet, apparently difficult but useful in appearance only. People who know me would say I have attempted many difficult things, things that they would never do. But why have I done it? Am I just the guy who tries the difficult to get attention or acclaim? Others would say no, but only because I'm good at making it look like I truly care.
Deeper issues may prevail. And yes, I am fully aware that I have difficultly believing anything I do is of value. But maybe I am right about a lot of it. Of course, if I tell people that, they will say, "no, look at the impact you made on me. I was going through this or that, and you made me feel better." To that I say, what good is feeling better? How important are feelings? And have you ever noticed they don't last?
Now there are things I do think make the world a better place. Like freeing people from abuse or oppression. Or teaching others how to serve or sacrifice from their plenty to help others. Or creating a culture that loves first, takes the last seat, and lives for something other than gain.
Not being one who does any of those things very well, its a good bet that I haven't helped move others into that lifestyle. I would say the best I have done for others is help them with conflict resolution. I am good at teaching people how to approach others and get issues resolved without creating further tension or conflict. But this typically only works with peers who have similar life experiences. I cannot go into the ghetto and teach a gang member conflict resolution.
Teaching a gang member conflict resolution would make the world a better place. Or having a safe, alternative school for kids in the toughest neighborhoods. That is something I believe in, but I am afraid I would be of little help actually teaching or working there. My ability to interact and relate is poor. Maybe if I did it for a while, I would improve, but maybe I should just support those who are good at it.
I would love to do that. But I find myself in a constant struggle to provide for even myself. This due to my pursuit of a highly competitive career. A career that I would define as vain, but could lead to opportunities for me to make an impact in a manner that fits my personality and skills.
Future opportunity is what keeps me going, despite a now 6 year struggle to get going. It's a struggle that sees me trading all current service opportunities to pursue what currently only benefits me. I wonder how many years I can trade before I do something worthwhile. Will I ever get to that point?
Is there a way to have both? Not well I would say. There is a hierarchy of needs, and I have voluntarily placed myself at a low position. This scares me because I know most people enslave themselves at a low position and many stay there their entire lives. This hampers them greatly and forces them to look after themselves when a little more wisdom would have enabled them to look after others. I don't want to be that person.
I can say that I have learned much in 6 years in the real world and I have certainly stretched myself. What I haven't done is apply anything I have learned. Meanwhile, I have been corrupted by my environment, but through which have gained new perspectives and insight that should one day prove useful. I just wish that day would arrive sooner. 3 years ago would be nice.
posted by tim at 2:23 PM
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