On Progress (and the faces of me)

I decided recently that being embarrassed by the me I was 10 years ago is a good thing; a much better thing than still being that guy. However, that just means 10 Years From Now Me will also be embarrassed of Now Me and 43 Years From Now Me will be disgusted with how ugly 10 Years Ago Me, Now Me, and 10 and 20 Years From Now Me all are. He'll have the aggravation of facing all those Me's at once. (Mes? Me's? Mus? this word has no plural... as cloning becomes commonplace this will become an issue that needs to be addressed. We'll go with me's)

Maybe 43 Years From Now Me will have learned to be content and he'll have let all that embarrassment go, knowing he can't change the past. I guess Time Travel Dream Me will be dead by then.

Why can't I just become Content Me now? Could he show up tomorrow? If I move past my embarrassment with 10 Years Ago Me, will I become Content Me?

If I become content, will I stop moving forward and growing? Is contentment bad? Should it only be taken in moderation? Do I have a bad idea of what contentment is? Is 43 Years From Now Me going to laugh at this?

Now Me is a little annoyed by the lack of darkness in this entry. Light-hearted Me is supposed to be on vacation. Deal With Your Past Me runs the show now. He's been doing all sorts of excavating and uncovering the bones of all the me's that ever ran amuck on the earth's soil, blazing a path of destruction.

OK, let's be honest. Most of those early me's just hid. They were storing up all my expression for later in life, hoping Late 20's or Early 30's Me would explode with it.

I think Deal With Your Past Me has some sort of frankenstein complex, wanting to rebuild with all the best parts. It sounds like a good plan, I know, but he will undoubtedly fail to find everything he needs and begin tossing in all sorts of replacement parts; eye of eagle, fangs of cobra, mane of lion, cornstarch. Result: chaos.

The Ideal Me won't be found in the past, he's hanging out in the future. I hope so, anyway. It would be a shame if he already came and went, leaving only Washed Up Me.

The problem Now Me has is he's too obsessed with Ideal Me. Deal With Your Past Me thinks he has the answer to that. He claims all those developmental me's didn't have a bone of self worth, or at the very least it was too small. He also blames the media and technology, often reminding the me's that he didn't have a cell phone till he was 26 and he remembers the time before the internet. He says life was simpler back then.

Season of Discontent Me, still alive and well(in dysfunctional way), likes that argument and wants to blame everything on advertising and it's constant feeding of Covet Me, who is now suffering from obesity.

That merely frustrates Rational Me, because if that's the subtrahend part of the equation for contentment, why can't he just plug it in and have everything be all better?

Philosophical Me, an avid blog writer, will then make some comment about seasons of life and cycles of emotion. He'll even pretend to be scientific by drawing a sine wave on the chalkboard of my mind. It's on that chalkboard that Philosophical Me always crosses the line. A fight ensues. Rational Me always wins. Then Philosophical Me makes some comment about how that proves he actually won, and then with mocking applause, congratulates Rational Me on his growth. That's the part where Rational Me has had enough, takes his chalk, and goes home.

Can't Sit Still Me has been at this for a couple hours now and is thinking about changing his name to Can Sit For A Brief While When He Has A Good Latte And Something Productive To Do Me. But already he is getting worked up again, cause that name is just too long. He wishes to consult Clever Me on what to do.

Clever Me is often exhausted. His job is to make everything unique. This includes monitoring everything ever done and making sure it doesn't happen again. He likes long walks on the beach with Rational Me, because Rational Me can convince him he doesn't always have to be on, and that he isn't the proper replacement for the self worth bone, so he should stop trying to be. Clever Me promises to remember, but with so much else on his mind, it doesn't stick for long. He has really good intentions though.

Philosophical Me quickly points out that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Clever Me rolls his eyes at the cliché, but then gets all serious and worried, knowing that he more than anyone else needs to be kept in check. He then thinks about all the time he spends with his close cousin, Self Seeking Me, and wonders if he should cut him off. However, Self Seeking Me is more fun to hang with than Insecure Me, who's only goal, it often seems, is to try to convince Clever Me he's not who he thinks he is. Clever Me kinda wishes he could cut them both off, but he can't seem to get away from Insecure Me unless he's with Self Seeking Me, whom Insecure Me is afraid of.

Philosophical Me used to love rash decisions like cutting me's off, but now that everyone is embarrassed by 10 Years Ago Me, he's rethinking his strategy. He has become a big fan of the word balance. He has even come around and changed his thoughts of Self Discipline Me. He used to hate that guy because he was an even worse replacement for the self worth bone. But he has gotten past that phase and more importantly, he is vital to have around when Rational Me has flipped out.

Philosophical Me often feels bad for instigating Rational Me, but he knows pushes are necessary for growth, and in his heart he really thinks that someday they will make a great team along with Deal With Your Past Me. He thinks that team has a chance of finding Ideal Me, who's probably carrying a self worth bone.

Season of Discontent Me says that's impossible. The world is too big and Ideal Me is too elusive. Plus, Covet Me and Clever Me are usually stalling the entire operation. This scares Clever Me away. Season of Discontent Me then flips Rational Me on his head, affording opportunity for Insecure Me to tickle his feet. All that sends Philosophical Me into a frenzy. He doesn't want anyone else messing with Rational Me. He knows this is a delicate operation. Deal With Your Past Me then goes into overdrive looking for a quick fix.

He usually finds something, or just retrieves from his archive an item everyone had forgotten about. This soothes things temporarily, but everyone is exhausted at this point. Even Season of Discontent Me feels bad. He says he wants to leave, but he has nowhere to go. Apathetic Me says it doesn't matter to him, he's only going to be around while Clever Me is gone anyway. Covet Me and Philosophical Me don't want to lose anything else, so they tell everyone to sit still. Philosophical Me in particular wants to avoid rash decisions. He tries to tie up Rational Me, because that guy has gone completely irrational. Insecure Me helps because he loves tying things up.

That's when Self Discipline Me takes over, keeping everyone on course. His ability to ignore all complaints and opposition, mostly coming from Insecure Me, really impresses Philosophical Me. He gets Covet Me on the treadmill, shoves Apathetic Me out the door, patiently waits for Rational Me to turn back over, and stares down Season of Discontent Me, making him very uncomfortable.

Season of Discontent Me retires to his room for a nap. Philosophical Me begins to celebrate victory and encourages everyone, even Season of Discontent Me. (But not Apathetic Me, he's gone anyway) Everything is working and life is good. Philosophical Me then remembers Clever Me is gone. He tells Rational Me to go get him. But Rational Me reminds him that Clever Me must return of his own volition. Philosophical Me shrugs his shoulders and agrees, content that Clever Me will return in time. He remarks on how sensitive that dude is and laughs. “Let's do this all again sometime.” he says, “43 Years From Now Me will love it.”

“Doubtful.” says Insecure Me.

He shuts up when Rational Me punches him in the face.