To walk a new path

In order to survive, I think one has to adapt their view of things based on the circumstances which befall them. It's the mental turmoil you wish to avoid. And that isn't always so easy, depending on your set of beliefs. If things aren't going they way you believed they would or should, you can either be overcome with grief and hopelessness, or you can depart from those beliefs.

Perhaps you think God has in for you only pain. Logically, you can justify his methods, because you see that pain certainly does cause massive character growth. But emotionally, you can only handle so much. Then logically, you can see that your emotions can be altered simply by having different expectations. You've seen from life experience that some things that cause great pain at one stage in life, cause no pain at another. It works the same with joy. And perhaps this is more important. The search to end pain is the realization that without potential joy, the journey is not worth it.

At some point, future joy is not enough to sustain. The pain has been withstood for far too long, and something must be changed to find joy now. You are well aware that God cares little for speed of service, so you can't leave it up to him.

You can walk away knowing full well that you are always welcome back. And you wonder if you should feel guilty for having this insider information. Are you really this free?

Staying isn't really an option at this point. It's not that you weren't grateful at the time, it's just that it's a lie to say you are content now. You are anything but content, and the only way to express that is to go. Call it a cry for attention.

You leave not on bad terms. You promise to write. You know in your head it is unwise to go, but you know in your heart it is untrue to stay. So you walk, hoping someone will keep you from getting burnt too badly.

And now you face a new world with new possibilities. There is hope. Here is joy. Where will this take you?