Spin around

It's been a while since I've written anything here. Part of it is I have another blog I've been writing about football. It's a little lighter than this one.

I try to keep this blog philisopical. For some reason I feel the need to keep to a topic or genre. I guess I want it to be worth reading, and there's alot of stuff that I could write that I find to be worthless ramble.

That says something about my sense of value.

So, as it is, I only write to entertain or to delve into the soul. And delving into the soul is a particularly mood based exercise. I have to be in the right frame of mind, which is pretty rare these days. There was a time where I was only in that state of mind, and I did a ton of writing, just not in a blog.

It's frustrating to have years long writers block. But that's how it goes I guess. I have been trying to capture those moments where the barracade is lifted, and write something noteworthy, but I'm not very successful yet.

God forbid I write jargon and waste valuable time.

Part of problem is I've been stuck in the same frame of mind for nearly 3 years and one can only write so much about the same thing before getting bored or just extremely frustrated that nothing ever changes.

Nothing ever changes. This isn't true at all. Things change all the time.

I think what happens is everything behaves the same. Things change. People change. Places changes. But the new place is like the old place, and the new person is like the old person, and the new me is like the old me. So if it's different, it doesn't feel that way.

There are advantages. If like things keep acting alike, I can learn how to improve my interactions with this world and become a master of my domain, manipulating the system into my desired mold, as much as it is moldable.

The real problem is I don't know what I desire. I can't make things lean my way if I don't know what my way is.

And honestly, I don't want to go my way. I'd rather go God's way, which seems to have something to do with loving others. But I can't seem to do that or want to do that without being happy myself. And being happy myself would appear to come from following my way, but I don't know what my way is, so it's not working.

And round and round it goes, my mind searching for some way to make it all work. I need a nap.